A place to stay

Some weeks ago, I told you about the savage animals ― in the most pejorative meaning of it ― that you can find in the underground. I wrote about what happens at the doors of the trains, but that was just one of the many annoying things those animals are capable to do.

I’m going to focus on one thing and its major troubles again: choosing a place in the train.

The classical annoying positioning is the one that the odious ladies at the doors choose. After all the bothering to be the first to get on the train, they step in, hold themselves on the doors hand-hold and stay there to be the first to get off. They stay there and stare stoically, impassive in front of a score of people who want to get on and whom they pushed to get on first.

Piece of advice 1: What you give is what you take. Push and get on, even if there’s enough space to pass between them. Make them notice that they are in the way.

Next positioning is the I’ll-stay-in-the-doors-space-if-I-can’t-take-a-seat one. The people who do this commit two crimes against common sense. The first crime is not realising that there are two square meters to stand between the seats and let the other people in even if the seats are all taken. The second crime is trying to reach a seat when somebody stands up before the others by elbowing their way through people.

Piece of advice 2: Pushing is always the solution for it is more subtle and legal than smashing faces in. Moreover, you can use the push to reach the more comfortable free space between the seats. This has an advantage: you can reach a free seat before than those odious people, even if you don’t need to sit. It just feels so good!

The last annoying thing is the inopportune walk. I understand that you are at one end of the platform in the origin station and want to be at the other end at the destiny platform, but don’t make things harder when there’s a crow in the train holding to the ceiling with one finger not to fall on a baby carriage.

Piece of advice 3: If there are few people in the train, let them do. If there’s a crowd in there, stay still. If they are to go through, at least they should need to ask for permission and don’t feel like Moses in the Red Sea.

Note: If you know how to do that hit on the hips that make them useless for a while, please, do me a favour in the crowds. Nobody will know that you did it anyway.

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